nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
