mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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