I think my fart just growled at me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
