dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
