What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
