**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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