Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
