I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
