I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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