I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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