So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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