And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
