my phone needs a breathalizer
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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