when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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