his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
