My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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