call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
