I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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