even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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