perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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