My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
