I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
