Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
