I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
