PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
