It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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