I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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