He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
