Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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