every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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