I could make wine with my vomit
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize