You can't motorboat a personality
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
