I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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