Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
