so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
this is an emotional support booty call
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
