Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
