Just took my morning after pill in the library
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
