I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize