this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
