THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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