Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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