I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
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I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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