Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
