Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
