how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
