that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
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Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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