Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
