I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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