The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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