Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize