only if we run a train.
done.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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