party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
