Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
