Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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