I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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