Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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