Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
