evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
