you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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