pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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