i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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