my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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