I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
