Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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