Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is Oprah even human
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
