How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
