RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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