I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
