Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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