I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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