her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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