I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
