fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
