I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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