Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
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Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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