apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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