Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
